“Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest things we’ll ever do”
As some of you may know, I have battled anorexia for a very long time. I was first diagnosed in November 2010, but the behaviors started in the Spring of that year.
After 6 years of appointments, hospitalizations, inpatient stays, outpatient programs, half-hearted recovery attempts, tears, anger and fear- I finally decided to take back my life. My “real recovery” date is September 1st, 2016. That was the day I began following my meal plan my dietitian and I agreed on. That was the day I began to give up control. I began to trust the process.
My dietitian slowly increased my calories until I was steadily gaining, and I reached a healthy weight at the end of November.
I have gained 12.5 pounds since August and now sit at a healthy 107-108 pounds (weight fluctuates ya’ll – don’t freak over it!).
I can’t even begin to describe how much better my life after only 5 months of living in a recovery state of mind. My relationship with my boyfriend has improved, my family and I get along better, I feel less anxious and moody, and I have energy and I am getting stronger!
I have been lifting weights in the gym and in doing so, have found a new passion. The gym has begun to be a therapeutic experience for me, not a place where my eating disorder makes me go to burn calories. I love the feeling of getting stronger, lifting heavier and seeing my baby muscles grow!
After a bad day, or if I am struggling with body image, throwing some weight around (not literally!) makes me feel like a bad ass and quiets that voice in my head that tells me I am flabby or fat or have gained too much weight.
I’m not saying it’s all rainbows and butterflies. It has been very difficult mentally and physically to gain weight and not give up. I still struggle a lot of with body image and certain foods and going out to eat causes anxiety and fear- but I’m getting there!
One day at a time, and “embrace the suck” on the hard days. Life is so beautiful, and there is so much more to it than weight shape and appearance.
Linking up with Amanda at Running With Spoons
Do you struggle with body image?
I’m not sure if I have any regular readers or subscribers on this little ole’ blog of mine, but for those of you who have read/checked out Bits of Zen before, you’ll notice it looks a lot different. Not only does it look different, but all of the posts are gone (well besides this one).
With that being said, Bits of Zen not only looks different, it is different!
The change isn’t because new year new me or any of that silliness- though the new look and direction does happen to coincide with the start of a new year. I am in a much different place in my life than I was back in January 2016 when I first began my blog. That is what the change is for.
I hit a bit of a slump in my writing and blogging, and stopped posting for a while. Recently though, I have felt the urge to get back into it; and what better way to do that than with a fresh slate!?
I am excited to begin blogging again and connecting with fellow bloggers and readers. If you happen to continue to stop by, you’ll be finding posts about my life, health, college, healthy eating, fitness, horseback riding, recovery and whatever else happens to inspire me. I also will be republishing some of my old favorite posts as part of am “archives” series.
Also, be sure to follow me, @sadekaa n Instagram for more of my antics 😉
I will leave you with that for today, happy 2017 everyone!
One of your goals for the new year?