I’ve been quiet on the blog front for the past month. I wanted to come in and write about what I’ve been doing, what I’ve been up to, and some of the things I’ve learned. I’ve learned a lot about myself from the end of April till now.
I happened upon this while browsing Barnes & Noble. While looking at the best sellers, I found this poetry book. I literally turned to the exact page where I found these words.
I believe in God and I believe in “God moments” and that instant in Barnes and Noble was one for me. These words perfectly sum up my life and the struggles I have been faced with, and overcome. I know I’m privileged and my adversities are far from that of which others face each and every day. However, everyone experiences hardships in life and I’ve had my fair share with an eating disorder and recovery as well as family, relationships and school stresses and struggles.
The past month of May was a very emotional and groundbreaking time for me. Moving to my first apartment, starting a new job, a straight A semester, and personal problems really has sent my stress levels soaring. I’m not saying that I necessarily handle all these (good and bad) stressors perfectly, but I have been growing from them.
What has come out of all of this surprised me- I have gained confidence that I have never felt before.
For the first time, I am trusting my gut and listening to my heart. In the past, I would think that I was acting on instinct, but it was always laced with fear of what other people would think. That, or I acted so impulsively that it was the other extreme of confidence- cockiness-that ruled my decisions. It was always a false sense of confidence.
Quite honestly, some days I feel like a bad ass. I know what I want and I know what I need to do to get there. Do I have it all figured out? Of course not! However, what I do have is the faith that everything will work out. I am truly listening to my heart and feel at peace with my decisions because I trust that they are the best decisions for me at any given moment. This means that I am allowed to change my mind, and make mistakes. I do what feels right for me in the moment, and make the decision that gives me confidence to face life head on.
I plan to write more about this- confidence and becoming your true self. For now, I wanted to share this message because I want you to know that if you are struggling, do not give up! Dig deep, listen to your heart and don’t give a flying-you-know-what about what anyone else may think. You do you! People who care about you, and respect you, will honor your decisions. And most importantly, by staying true to yourself you are honoring your very being, and with that comes a beautiful feeling of confidence.