“Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest things we’ll ever do”
As some of you may know, I have battled anorexia for a very long time. I was first diagnosed in November 2010, but the behaviors started in the Spring of that year.
After 6 years of appointments, hospitalizations, inpatient stays, outpatient programs, half-hearted recovery attempts, tears, anger and fear- I finally decided to take back my life. My “real recovery” date is September 1st, 2016. That was the day I began following my meal plan my dietitian and I agreed on. That was the day I began to give up control. I began to trust the process.
My dietitian slowly increased my calories until I was steadily gaining, and I reached a healthy weight at the end of November.
I have gained 12.5 pounds since August and now sit at a healthy 107-108 pounds (weight fluctuates ya’ll – don’t freak over it!).
I can’t even begin to describe how much better my life after only 5 months of living in a recovery state of mind. My relationship with my boyfriend has improved, my family and I get along better, I feel less anxious and moody, and I have energy and I am getting stronger!
I have been lifting weights in the gym and in doing so, have found a new passion. The gym has begun to be a therapeutic experience for me, not a place where my eating disorder makes me go to burn calories. I love the feeling of getting stronger, lifting heavier and seeing my baby muscles grow!
After a bad day, or if I am struggling with body image, throwing some weight around (not literally!) makes me feel like a bad ass and quiets that voice in my head that tells me I am flabby or fat or have gained too much weight.
I’m not saying it’s all rainbows and butterflies. It has been very difficult mentally and physically to gain weight and not give up. I still struggle a lot of with body image and certain foods and going out to eat causes anxiety and fear- but I’m getting there!
One day at a time, and “embrace the suck” on the hard days. Life is so beautiful, and there is so much more to it than weight shape and appearance.
Linking up with Amanda at Running With Spoons
Do you struggle with body image?
The most delicious things you last ate?